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“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born
and the day you find out why.”
Mark Twain

My 16-year-old son had his confirmation recently. That probably doesn’t mean a great deal to most people. I know I had no idea what to expect. I did know that he chose to go to ‘conf’ classes where the teenagers seemed to have fun
meeting together and discussing some of the bigger life questions with the local vicars. I knew that, traditionally here in Switzerland, it is the day when you get your first glass of wine, there are presents, it’s a ‘coming-of-age’
big day and it is a great opportunity (especially after the Covid restrictions) for a party!

I was not at all prepared for the depth of thought that had gone into the theme these young people had chosen for their joint message or for the consideration that went into each, individual presentation that each one delivered so
passionately.

Responsibility

The group’s chosen theme was responsibility. They spoke about what it means to take responsibility and especially that we take a part of the 100% of our responsibility for ourselves, but also for our communities, our families, our
countries, the planet and our environment. One teenager reminded us that, as well as taking responsibility for the things we do, we take equal responsibility for those things we do not do; the things we avoid, the things we do not
stand up to and the things we turn away from.

My son spoke last. Considering that he is a 16-year-old boy at the stage that all mothers of 16-year-old boys can most certainly relate to, I wasn’t so sure what his message would be. This guy who you have to call when he’s in the
same room because of the noise cancelling air pods constantly in his ears, this boy that tells me, “Don’t start that coaching crap” if I ask him how something went or how he’s feeling, the teenager who is fluent in ‘ugggh’ began to
speak …

…and blew me away.

Career or calling?

As you already heard, this all took place in Switzerland and, as we live on Lake Zürich, all this was in German. He spoke about the responsibility that they now have around choosing a ‘Beruf’. This is a word that means your job,
your career or your position. My ‘Beruf’ is coach, mentor or supervisor for example. He used an example from the bible of fishermen tending to their catches and mending their nets, quite happily doing their ‘job’, until they heard a
‘Berufung’ or calling.

He spoke about our responsibility to honour our ‘Berufung’ in our ‘Beruf’; to honour our calling in whatever work we do if we are lucky enough to already know what that is. He reminded us that we, and especially them, as teenagers,
should not worry if our purpose has not yet become clear for us or if career decisions seem complex and daunting.

The most important thing of all is to keep ourselves open for the thing that will certainly call to our very individual hearts (often in the strangest and most unexpected of moments-like a group of teenagers on a Sunday morning) if
only we are ready and willing to hear it.

I heard the message and I have been questioning myself since. While my husband was blowing his nose emotionally, I was asking myself:

How connected is my Beruf to my Berufung?

I thought back to what was behind my career path choices (and I most certainly include parenthood in there) and to what was rational logic and what was true calling? The funny thing is that I have had a number of careers, including
artist, teacher, coach, supervisor, interpreter and mother. All different yet had some element of my calling to support others in finding their own purpose and sweet spot (Love, art, curiosity, people, team-work, learning, fun,
humour, psychology, creativity and SO much more).

If I were 16 again and faced with the responsibilities of adulthood, would I do anything different? I would keep listen to my heart-calling above head-logic and I’m sure I’d have been where I am now far quicker. Would I change
anything? All that wonderful learning along the way? No chance!

What about you?
What is it that makes your heart sing?
Is it the same thing that used to light you up as a child or teen?

Are you happy enough in a job that you can do well, with nice people and good money that would be so ridiculous to give up that you stopped your heart’s whisperings?

Do you have a calling and purpose that you lives in everything you do, even in a difficult job or challenging situation?

Are you sitting in your sweet spot of doing a job and living a life that makes your heart sing and paying the bills?
Are you still waiting for (fill in the gap) before you can live your purpose?

What practicalities, fears, narratives or external factors are holding you back?
How much of your 100% are you taking for yourself and allowing others to keep for themselves?

If you knew what made your heart sing and could bring just 5% more into your life, what would you do differently?

If you had the space and conditions to listen to your calling and to hear and define your purpose, what could be possible then?

If you had a sweet spot support partner at your side, what would you be able to do then?

You only have one life.
There will only ever be one of you.
What advice would your 16 year old self have for you?

So get in touch today to discover your purpose and bring it to life for you.

On Wednesday, I heard that my office partner and dear friend, Charles died. He had a fall just before the Christmas holidays and is gone before the first week of the New Year is over. I can’t believe that I won’t have his bubbly fun
in the office with me anymore.  

As I walked my dog (who Charles spoiled rotten!) in the snow that morning, I was telling myself how difficult it will be to go into the office without him and started to cry. I suddenly heard my dear, pragmatic Charles telling me as
clear as day, “Come on now Gillian, that won’t get us anywhere. Let’s focus on the important stuff and stop that sniffling.” His voice made me smile. Thank you, Charles. Yes, what is most important right now? The learning!

So, in memory of a wonderful man who would have had the best advice for me today, here are Charles’ parting lessons.

If this were the end of your life what would matter most right now?

What would be your number one focus?

How would you view issues, relationships and decisions differently? 

COVID-19 has many of us hanging in limbo with all plans for the future on hold. Many of us have had to cancel things that were important to us. Lives, dreams and ideas are paused. Even those of us still trying to keep going as
normal know that this is not life as usual. We have the best excuse ever for putting lives on hold.

What if you really were at the end of your life, looking back on today; what would you want to look back on and remember?

·  How would you want to have handled the current situation?
·  What would you say was really most important to you?
·  How would you want to have treated the people in your life?
·  What decisions would you want to have made?
·  What legacy would you want to be leaving?
· What if today’s interactions would be your last?
· What would you change?
·  What would matter most?

What advice and guidance would my inner Charles offer?

I recently wrote a blog around how our inner narratives can keep us from reaching our goals and about the special, self-critical voice, words and tone that we save just to beat ourselves up with. These words, phrases and tones are
generally well meaning. They are old friends doing their very best to keep us safely away from risk and in our comfort zone. However much we might want to change old patterns, our personal inner dialogue mix of what-ifs, if-onlys, I
can’ts, I’m not good enoughs, I’ll get it wrongs etc. persuades us to slip back to the old, uncomfortable, but well known, comfort zones.

· How do you speak to yourself in times of difficulty?
· What have you been telling yourself recently?
· What advice do you give yourself?
· How do you doubt / support yourself?
· What does your inner dialogue say about how you see yourself?

Think of phrases you say to yourself in difficult situations using ‘I’. If you are anything like most, you might say something like, ‘I’m just useless’, I just shouldn’t bother’, ‘I’m scared,’ ‘I don’t know what I’m doing’, ‘I’m not
worth it’, ‘why do I always…’ etc. If you can’t think of any difficult situation right now, think back to the last one you experienced. I was giving myself a hard time today for giving Charles a calendar of pictures of my dog walks
for Christmas when he died on the 5^th of January!

How we talk to ourself makes a bigger difference than you would think. Try this little exercise:

1. Make a tight fist with one hand.
2. 
   Now direct your inner “I” phrases towards that fist. Don’t hold back! Try and replicate the tone, volume, impatience and words usually reserved for beating yourself up. It can help to think of speaking from the voice of
   someone who was impatient with you as a child to get you started.
   
3. Notice what happens to your muscles, your breathing, your posture etc.
4.  Shake it out, breathe deeply and move.
5. Make a tight fist again. Cover it with your other hand to help the fist be even tighter.
6. 
   Take the same difficult situation but speak to yourself in the 2^nd or 3^rd person; as if a more mature, rational or reasonable person were supporting you. Use your name, we or us. E.g.,
   ‘Come on, Gillian-what matters most here?’, ‘Let’s think this through’, ‘What are you really nervous about, Gillian?’, ‘How else can we think about this?’, ‘Let’s try’, ‘You’ve got this, Gillian’ and so on. It can help to
   think of speaking from the voice of someone who supported you with love, patience and fun as a child to get you started.
   
7. Notice what happens to your muscles, your breathing, your posture etc. as you offer yourself compassionate advice from another person’s standpoint.

I had a supervision client that asked herself ‘What would Gillian say or ask here?’ in complex coaching client situations. As well as being complimentary, using someone you trust as an inner dialogue is extremely useful. Think about
what you noticed in the fist experiment. Chances are that speaking to your fist from the perspective of a wiser, supportive role model had a very different influence on soothing you, growing your emotional resilience and altering
how you think and act. It is like taking a step back and looking for new perspectives with a partner, rather than being deeply and emotionally alone in the problem hole and using all your energy to beat yourself up for not being
able to see a way out.

What changes for you when you talk to yourself:

· As if you are offering someone else comfort, advice and guidance?
· As if a role-model offering their wisdom to you?
· As if you are speaking to yourself as a small child facing a problem?

Who can you treat differently today; as if you won’t see them again tomorrow?

Try to use your own name or 3^rd person when thinking in an inner-narrative voice today.

Let me know what happens.

If you want to know more about inner narratives, I can thoroughly recommend the ‘Speaking of Psychology: Inner monologues’ podcast with Ethan Kross, PhD.
https://www.apa.org/research/action/speaking-of-psychology/inner-monologues

What makes Leadership Supervision with a trusted and qualified practitioner so valuable?

‘Change happens in the crucible of relationship’ – Bill Critchley.

Leadership Supervision is designed to be collaborative, a conversation where one professional is fully present to the other. In this ‘crucible’, leaders are supported in all aspects of their work by an external unbiased
practitioner.

Key elements in adult learning theory emphasize respect for the learner and the collaborative nature of the conversation. Both are essential in the reflective practice of leadership supervision. We are here to walk with leaders and
enable them to enhance their leadership skills, emotional and social intelligence and key leadership behaviours.

Trained leadership supervisors are aware of how important it is to create a safe and trusting working alliance. Heart-to-heart conversation and mindfulness are key elements in successful leadership supervision.

Developmental practice

Above anything else, Leadership Supervision is a developmental practice. It is a generative conversation of challenge, support, insight and deep understanding. A supervisor may be working with a leader over a period of 8 months to a
year and it is a great responsibility to ensure that not only does the leader develop in confidence and competence, but that they are fully resourced in a number of ways: increasing self-awareness, viewing things from new
perspectives, handling critical conversations in their work, becoming more skillful at ‘managing up’ and so on.

The supervisor’s own personal development is an important aspect of supporting leadership reflection and growth. The critical relational work requires that leadership supervisors are self-aware, flexible, confident – capable of
standing in the heat of the workplace! When supporting and challenging leaders we need to be both open and robust! This kind of leadership reflection provides a conversation in which leaders can learn about themselves and others, in
a safe and trusted environment. Psychology, energy work, and neuroscience all contribute to supervisory insight and support in this context. A leader who has supervision with a properly qualified supervisor skilled in developing the
leader’s reflective powers and emotional intelligence will quickly become much more aware personally and interpersonally – this capacity makes the difference between good and great leaders. It also supports the leader to remain
authentic and maintain a high standard in their work.

Ideally, leadership supervisors create a safe and mindful space for leaders and nurture a genuine quality of present moment attention. This then becomes a path to co-create a deep thinking space for the leader to reflect and grow.
Research proves that mindfulness boosts creativity, happiness, and well-being. It can also increase levels of attention and empathy for both supervisor and leaders seeking to reach their full potential.

Leadership supervisors are trained to sense and tap into another person’s energy field. At the same time being acutely aware of our own patterns of thought and energy flow and develop a greater depth of awareness. This thoughtful
space created in professional reflective supervision allows us to put aside assumptions and intrusions to focus entirely on the leader and their requirements. It is in this space that the leader is able to safely explore deeper
hidden, often unhelpful patterns and gain powerful insights. New knowledge emerges and leaders gains confidence and increased self-awareness. This is the kind of leadership supervision relationship that underpins the Full Spectrum
Model of supervision. www.fullspectrumsupervision.com

Leaders as supervisors

As a leader, you may also be supervising many different people around the globe in a variety of situations. If as leaders you are aware of how you form your own world view and operate your own filters, you can more easily accept the
differences of those you lead. It is important for leaders to, on occasion, to put aside (not abandon!) their own view of the world. Through research, we understand that leaders naturally get on well with those who share their own
attitudes and values. It is, therefore, vital in our fast-paced global environment to understand and be open minded when individuals come to meetings and 1-2-1 sessions with beliefs, values, and attitudes which are vastly different.
Your own beliefs and strong views as a leader may slip though in an unguarded moment and prevent you from hearing the needs of your direct reports.

Without this understanding and self-awareness, your meetings and 1-2-1 sessions will not achieve the desired outcome. Both temperament and attitudes can be different but not necessarily right or wrong. Being flexible in approach and
building your own self-awareness during executive reflection will ensure misunderstandings are kept to a minimum.

As a leader, you may also find your teams have the skills to do the job but the motivation may be absent. They may be keen to step up but lack the confidence in themselves to be effective. It is important to build on the strengths
of your staff and accept that there will be times when limiting beliefs and learned behaviours can and should be challenged. However, be mindful that this may not always be appropriate. Listening to your own internal supervisor,
developed in your own leadership reflective practice, will give you a greater degree of awareness. This knowledge will enable you to use non-judgemental reflection and insightful questioning to foster a collaborative and supportive
relationship with your teams.

Some of the top characteristics for effective leadership supervisors in the workplace are:

They are able to:

• Recognise, express and cope with feelings and emotions of self and others
• Deal effectively with the demands and pressures of the supervisor’s/leader’s role
• React proactively by building relationships and leading by example
• Focus on understanding others before seeking to be understood
• Pose incisive questions and challenge when deemed necessary
• Allow self and others time and space for reflective practice
• Support others to set and achieve goals that benefit both the team and the individual
• Motivate self and encourage others to greater achievement
• Maintain a positive mindset in times of change and in challenging situations
• To be comfortable in a place of not knowing and encourage emergent knowledge

Daniel Goleman’s book on emotional intelligence states that EI is one of the most important factors when it comes to getting people to “do their jobs more effectively” (Goleman 1995)

This article was written by Jackie Arnold from Coaching Supervision ACADEMY

Register NOW at:
Inside-Out-Coaching ACADEMY

Firstly, let’s start by having a look to the past…..

Most of my clients stay in touch with me and I love that. I get little updates and celebration messages and occasionally a question or request, often with a note that they miss our sessions and reflective discussions. I answer all
of these with empathy. 

Coaches and coaching supervisors are human too and we all know how difficult it is for any of us to keep self-development momentum going alone. It’s so hard to see our own blind / deaf / dumb spots. This is exactly why it is also a
professional requirement for coaches, supervisors and therapists to invest the time and money in their own professional supervision and support systems.

I genuinely care about my clients. We are partners on deep and mutual learning journeys. The requests for support were never overwhelming, so I was very happy to be able to help, yet I often daydreamed about how I could support
clients beyond our work together.  How could we keep the reflective dialogue and growing awareness alive without the substantial time, energy and, of course, financial investment that coaching and courses demand?

The usual time, money and technology know-how constraints kept my dream just that; a dream and I happily kept replying to the messages. 

Then something happened…

COVID-19 hit us with a bang. Suddenly, I couldn’t keep up with all the requests for help or offer what was needed.  As the world seemed to Lockdown, I found myself working more pro bono hours than paid hours in a support effort
and it was just too much. 

Also, as a coaching supervisor I was hearing the same thing from other coaches, ‘How can we support everyone that needs us right now when we’re struggling too.’ I knew then that the time for daydreaming was over and the need for a
wider coaching support network was right now.

Moving on to today…

I am living my dream of supporting more people than I have hours in the day, and I have just finished my creation of Inside-Out Coaching ACADEMY.  

ACADEMY is an online coaching program whereby clients work through monthly modules, with all the tools, resources and support that they need available, all broken down into DIY steps for an autonomous coaching
journey. 

The ACADEMY enables me to offer my Coaching ACADEMY clients a road map for living a reflective life wherever they find themselves along life’s
journey. ACADEMY is suitable for all clientele, from previous coaching clients, leaders looking to develop internal coaching cultures or people reaching out looking for a more reflective way to live and
work without the specific need or resources to work 1:1 with a coach.  

In our current, global climate, we all need to take stock, clear out the clutter, get re-energised, notice our energy zappers, re-focus and reconnect to a balanced life of purpose and values that we can love, connect to and draw
strength from, whatever the outside world throws at us. And should it get too difficult alone, I offer special hour rates for a face-to-face check-in and a compass reset back to everyone’s personal true north.

Looking into the future…

One thing I have experienced consistently, whatever the background of the coachee is, is that the answers always lie within the person. Generally, these answers and wisdom lie just below the surface and are kept hidden in our blind
/ deaf / dumb spots by our old internal narratives that partner up with old patterns and beliefs. It is more a case of being able to clear the way to be open to new perspectives, narratives and possibilities.

I offer a reflective support structure for individuals who want to widen their self-awareness, their autonomy and their awareness of relational dynamics with others. Imagine the impact if each person brought heightened awareness,
deeper relational understanding and communication skills into their environments. Imagine curious compassion and deep listening entering family-, work- and educational dialogues and rippling out into wider communities and the world.
Imagine what would change if each person around you were committed and supported to developing their listening, communication, reasoning and relational skills by 5%?  

What would happen if the people around you had clarity around their values, ethics and purpose in life and respected yours?

What if you started your Coaching ACADEMY journey; what could change in your life? How can you shape your future?

Take good care of yourself.

Best wishes
Gillian

Register NOW at:
Inside-Out-Coaching ACADEMY

In 1966 Robert F. Kennedy famously said, “There is a Chinese curse which says “May you live in interesting times.” Like it or not, we live in interesting times. They are times of danger and
uncertainty, but they are also the most creative of any time in the history of mankind.”

Sound familiar?

We are most certainly living in interesting times with the entire world affected in some way by this COVID-19 pandemic that we find ourselves in. As a coach and supervisor, I have been fascinated by the vast variety of human
reactions and behaviour. The Grief (of Change) Curve model, developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross to track the natural transition that we humans move through in times of shock, change and bereavement, has been brought to
life on an international stage.

I wonder if you recognise the emotional journey that you, your friends, members of your family or indeed your community have been on in the last few weeks by looking at the model below?

As an English person living in Switzerland, I have hugely appreciated the many multi-cultural coping mechanisms around me, including humour, community, volunteering and all the little messages of unity, solidarity, connection and
support.

However, my main message here is that we are all individuals. My reality is only mine and yours is only yours. None of us views the world as it really is, we actually see the world as we are; through the lens of how we are made, the
experiences we have had. No two humans are ever exactly the same in how we have learned to view the world, the people around us and ourselves. Whatever lens we see through, will have an effect on our mood, our energy, our
relationships and the world around us.

What does this mean? It means that your every reaction is valid and ‘real’ for you. It means that understanding, and more importantly, accepting yourself for who you are, where you are, how you react and what you most need to move
forwards towards acceptance and confidence of a new reality. It means that whatever you are feeling, thinking or reacting, it is okay; you are okay.

Every reaction, every emotion, every thought is valid. There is no right, wrong, good or bad, there is only acceptance. Once you are able to accept that what is real for you is okay, this is the point where you can begin to move
forwards.

There is a saying that you can always see the splinter in someone else’s eye, but you can never spot the log in your own. How true! As a supervisor, I need my supervisor, as a coach I need my supervisor, as ‘Gillian’ I need the
reflective dialogue of a coach or trusted friend to help me see what I haven’t thought of or considered yet in order to alter my perspective.

This ‘Social Distancing’ time is also the time to connect. It is the time to reach out beyond our old perspectives of ‘normal’ and see what else is possible. It is the time for creativity and reinvention and it is time for
acceptance.

I am okay.

You are okay.

Where ever you find yourself currently on the Change Curve is okay.

Breathe.

Be compassionate to yourself.

Find or create a safe space where it’s okay for you to feel like this and it’s okay for you to feel like that.

Give yourself time, love and acceptance and then offer the same to others.

Wishing you health, acceptance, personal insight and positive connection in these most interesting of times.

Warmly,

Gillian

What is the difference between Mentoring, Executive Coaching, Peer Coaching & Coaching Supervision?

Most people understand what coaching and mentoring are and what it means to work with a coach or mentor in a professional partnership. These professions, and others like them, are so-called ‘helping Professions’. As such, you can
expect to be guided, supported, motivated, advised, create goals, decide action-steps, kept accountable and challenged to differing degrees in each.

Mentoring focuses on improving core competencies. It often includes observation, recordings, assessments and feedback designed to improve skills. Mentoring is often a guiding role taken by older, more
experienced, and perhaps more qualified, colleague to support junior colleagues. There is usually a hierarchy; a directive with feedback, knowledge-sharing and advice around pre-specified best practice.

Executive Coaching is structured around professional, developmental and organizational goals, leadership strategies, efficiency and action steps to take between sessions. Coaches won’t tell clients what to do
or give advice. They work with clients to help them find their own answers within the system they work in and support them to stay accountable, challenged, resourced and motivated.

Peer Coaching means jut that; one coach being coached by another coach.

Supervision is the profession supporting these helping-professionals in supporting the people they are working with. Supervision began as a way of supporting therapists in their work, especially in dealing with
difficult or ethical cases. Therapists moving into the world of coaching then looked around for the professional support, reflective learning and ethical sounding boards they were used to being regularly available and found nothing.

Coaching supervision developed into a separate, professional discipline for other helping professions, including counselling, mentoring, first response professionals and leadership. In fact, anyone whose profession is to help, guide
and support others can benefit from supervision as its core role is to help us to notice, be curious and reframe the lenses we all see through differently. Supervision means paying attention to all that might be going on from the
many perspectives beyond our subconscious lenses. We discover insights and learning from noticing small changes in ourselves; our discomforts, doubts and ‘off’ sensations and understanding them as hidden assumptions, lenses,
expectations and beliefs, etc. In this way, we learn from what they have to show us about who we are and how this influences our thoughts, habits, relationships and how we ultimately work.

Gillian’s Supervision for Coaches – One to One Coaching & Group Coaching

What makes a good coach, mentor or supervisor and how are they different from each other?

Good mentors don’t necessarily have a specific mentorship training or qualification although there are mentor training programs available. A good mentor usually has a senior / higher degree of experience, qualification and skill in
the role that they support you with. A mentor coach will often also be a coach trainer or coach credentialing assessor and someone who knows specific, relevant core competencies inside-out. They will observe practice, offer feedback
and stretch skills to a higher level.

Executive Coaches will have been through an ICF approved training program and have a qualification and experience to that effect. They will coach the client, but from a standpoint and experience of systems and organizational
development. They will ask questions in order to help you discover your own, personalised goals, way forwards and action steps. They will be actively engaged in their own continued personal development and have regular supervision
support.

Supervisors are also trained and experienced coaches before becoming coach supervisors. coaching supervision diploma training explores other specific areas not directly part of coaching skills development, yet critical for deeper
reflection and learning (e.g., psychology, sociology and their core models, Transactional- and Transpersonal Analysis, neuroscience, deeper inquiry, organizational development, personalities and relational coaching, quantum physics
and perspectives, etc.) Supervisors will have a coaching diploma plus a specific supervision diploma. They will have their own, regular supervision, be actively engaged in continued personal development in coaching and supervision
and have their position reviewed yearly by governing bodies.

Why is Supervision important, yet misunderstood?

Supervision is an unfortunate word. It has top-down, controlling-boss undertones and can sound as if its intention is to monitor, judge and measure. The best way to get beyond this feeling, and to understand the key importance of
regular supervision is to separate the words out into Super-Vision. This is a more accurate way to explain what supervision is all about.

What we are unaware of, controls us.

What we are aware of, is under our control.

When we are in control, we are responsible for the informed choices we make.

Super-vision begins with where you are right now and invites you to look above, behind, below and beyond with curiosity. It is a relationship of equals in a safe, reflective space and time. The learning experience is co-created with
the intention of enhancing your view and understanding of yourself as a human-being. We all have blind, deaf and dumb spot, but rarely notice the unconscious effect they have on us, others and how we work. Super-vision is ultimately
about being human and being curious around all that being human means for our work and maintaining our own effectiveness, ethics and equilibrium. Super-vision resources you in order to learn from-, and stay emotionally energized by,
the demands of your profession.

We all need guides to mentor us, but there’s only so much we can learn from how other people do things. Coaching is a powerful and supportive medium for growth and development, but how many leaders, for example, benefit from adding
yet another action step to our already overflowing to-do list? How many coaches and leaders want to admit to another coach or colleague that a situation is leaving them feeling inadequate, stuck or exhausted and they don’t know what
else to try?

Super-vision is also designed to maintain and develop professional standards, quality and ethics, but this does not come from being audited and judged, rather from noticing, reframing and learning from situations, especially the
sticky, difficult ones. It is a time and place for safe, non-judgmental reflective conversations, somewhere to talk through tough ethical dilemmas, boundary management, confidentiality or contractual issues, difficult relationships
or critical situations. It is a real relief to have a safe and supportive space to say out loud the things on your mind knowing that anything said will never be used as ‘evidence against you,’ but rather as informative data to learn
and grow our understanding, awareness, control and choice from.

For more information about how to develop a Super-Vision with supervision, get in touch with Gillian and 
ask for a free, no obligation chat today.

I am used to this question and the, ‘What is wrong with these people? – I would be so embarrassed to admit I was failing’ tone that often accompanies it. The thing is, it’s the successful people, those at the top of their game, that
come to coaching. Is that because there’s more wrong with them than other people? No! The thing they all have in common is that they want to learn, grow and improve in their chosen area in order to be the best they can be. Does
Roger Federer need a group of coaches because he’s failing at playing tennis? I don’t think so.

It may well be that it’s an issue that initially brings people to coaching, a feeling that there has to be another way, but the people that really make coaching work for them are the ones who see and utilise the learning that comes
from stopping, reflecting and challenging themselves with a trusted sparring partner supporting them.

Here are some of the most common reasons that bring people to coaching but, whatever the initial reason, you will find yourself changing old perspectives, breaking old barriers and growing your confidence and abilities to become the
architect of your own, future success.

You’re Stuck: Feeling like you have no choice

You feel stuck, your situation seems trapped and you see no way out. You tell yourself it’s impossible or too risky, think of the humiliation if you fail or even the difficult consequences that success could bring. It is as it is
and you have no choice in the matter. Coaching gives you a solid, safe base from which to identify old patterns, learned behaviours, triggers and fears. It develops your awareness, provides you with the courage and support you need
to recognise old habits, clarify what you really want and need to learn and grow in the way you choose.

You’re Lost: Living life on autopilot

Life just seems to happen to you. Perhaps you ‘fell’ into your job or situation that’s ‘okay, I guess’, but not really fulfilling you. You feel that there must be something more out there but haven’t found your ‘thing’ yet. Coaching
helps you to recognise where you slip into autopilot; doing, saying or thinking in a certain way because ‘you should’ and helps you rediscover your spark; your passion and real desires. Learn how to raise your awareness, consider
new options, take control and feel fulfilled on your terms.

You’re Unhappy: Something has to give

You are feeling low and out of energy, yet you plod on regardless. You don’t love your situation, but know you should feel lucky and grateful. You find excuses to justify the status quo. Plodding on and suppressing your true needs
for whatever reason causes your spirit, emotional and physical wellbeing to suffer. How we see things depends purely on how we look at them. Coaching helps you see what you are missing, discovers what really makes you happy, what
gives you back the energy you are lacking and helps bring your balance back. Coaching helps you connect with your true reason to jump out of bed in the morning.

You’re Happy: so why is this a good time for coaching?

Coaching helps to fix things, doesn’t it, so why fix what isn’t broken? As a happy person, you are connected to yourself; your goals, values, energy reserves and passions. In other words, you are motivated, confident and open to
growth, learning and possibilities. You recognise that there is a greater potential within you. You are often more engaged, motivated and eager to try new things. You are ready to move out of comfort zones and explore what else is
possible.

Starting Over: relationship / job / life change?

Even if initially painful, this is a beautiful and exciting place to find yourself. You want to begin again on your own terms. Perhaps you find yourself outside your comfort zone, feeling vulnerable and uncertain. Coaching helps you
discover the patterns, hooks and triggers that pull you back into old habits. Become aware of these old patterns & scripts, take your pen and write the next chapter on your own terms.

You’re Scared: But what-if..?

You are scared of failure and, yes, perhaps even of the consequences of success. You are concerned about what others think or say about you and beat yourself up a little when you don’t live up to their (or indeed your own)
expectations. Coaching helps you notice the negative ‘saboteurs’ that twist the truth for you by trying to keep you safe in your comfort zone. It shifts your perspectives and shines a light on those hidden fears enabling you to
recognise, name and face them in a safe and supportive place. Coaching offers the tools, support and courage you need to take the action you choose to take.

You’re Waiting: You’ll be happy just as soon as…

You feel that life is too short to let it plod on-waiting for something to happen, change or become easier before we can be happy. But it’s okay because ‘just as soon as…(fill in the gap: I retire, the kids are old enough, my boss
retires, I lose the weight, I have enough money, more time…). Everything will be just fine. You are stuck in the now and justifying it in the hope that time will make tomorrow better than today. Coaching supports you in designing
your goals to fit into your life today so that your future self with thank you for it.

You’re Overwhelmed: Juggling too many balls.

You have way too much to do and too little time to do any of it. Your stomach ties in knots at the thought of all you have to do and all of it is urgent. You feel like running away, but then who would keep all those balls in the air
if you didn’t? You simply have to skip lunch, drink more coffee, work after hours and so, so much more. You get up earlier, try to get more organized or plan better, but somehow, it’s not helping. You promise yourself a rest at the
weekend that never quite materializes, but it’s only this weekend / it’s okay / I don’t mind / I can’t let the team down… Coaching stops the hamster wheel to pause for breath and really see what is going on. You learn to see each
ball for what it is and take the time to reflect, learn and make the best choices for your wellbeing.

There are many different reasons for people to come to coaching, but there is a common theme running throughout-inside and out:

I – I. It’s all about you.
N – Now. The best time.
S – Support. All you need.
I – Insight. Know yourself.
D – Develop. Learn and grow.
E – Exhilaration. Yes, you can!

O – Optimize. Be the best version of you.
U – Understand. Raise your awareness.
T – Trust. Feel safe and supported.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

I recently lost another person I love to cancer and, once again, the time between diagnosis and death was very short and mostly unconscious. No chance of communicating any last words or wishes. No opportunity to change anything or
put things ‘right’. No last chances. No say about what went into their epitaphs.

A morbid subject for a blog? Maybe, but spending time with my family and friends reminiscing about a life that connected with and touched our own got me thinking about what stories would be told about me. What will my epitaph sound
like when it’s my turn? What legacy will I leave?

Are you brave enough to think about ‘the end’ and to make a difference to your legacy? Your future self will thank you for it!

Firstly, grab a pen and some paper or a voice recorder. You’re going to want to make some notes. Ready? Let’s go!

Imagine for a moment that you’re up next on the Grim Reaper’s list. Be brave and honest and think about the kind of epitaph that would be written by the people in your life; your partner, kids, parents, friends, neighbours, work
colleagues etc. if you slipped away right now. What would people say to each other in private? Take a moment to be as honest with yourself as you can be and write down what might be said; the great things, the good things, the okay
things, the not so great things and things you’d rather they didn’t say, but might just get said anyway. The more courage you write this list with, the better. Without worrying about spelling, grammar or over thinking it, write your
epitaph in the third person. Put pen to paper and just write. When you’ve finished put it to one side.

Well done-it’s not as easy as it sounds, is it?

Mr. Reaper is feeling generous and grants you one last wish-the gift of hindsight; to go back in time, change things for the better and influence people’s memories and the stories they will tell after you’re gone. You can influence
what your own epitaph will sound like.

Now that you have this gift, how clear are you about what your ideal life would actually look like? Answers these questions:

• Who were you as a person?
• What would you most like people to say about you (beyond how wonderful or successful you were of course)?
• What have you achieved?
• What added meaning, value and fulfillment to your life?
• What specific legacy do you really want to leave behind?
• What do you want people to value and remember most?
• How do you want people to feel about you?
• What are you most proud of?
• What has ‘success’ meant and looked like for you? If you won a prestigious award, what kind of award would you want that to be?

Take a moment to imagine being a fly on the wall watching the scene as your ‘ideal’ life is being discussed by others.

• What do you see and hear?
• Who is there?
• What are you feeling as you hear what they say?
• What demonstrates that you lived your life to your full potential?
• What makes you happiest and most proud to hear, see and feel?

Write your answers to the questions above and then, as before and without overthinking it, write your ideal epitaph and compare it to the first.

• How do you feel after this exercise?
• How much of a difference is there between the two versions of your epitaph?
• If anything were possible, what would you most like to change?
• What do you need more of?
• What do you need less of?
• What do you need to start or stop?
• What would you value and nurture more?

If you had a life coach, the opportunity and full support to develop one element of your life to its fullest potential, something that would most influence the outcome of your epitaph and your legacy, what would you choose?

Think of a role model for the thing you most want to change and what they do so well.

• What can you learn from them?
• What would you write on their epitaph if the responsibility fell to you?

You can go back and answer the same questions for every area of that epitaph you would like to work on. At the end, you should not only know what you want to do, but also have a plan and a teacher to help you along the way. Share
your plan with the people you love and care about. Decide how to keep yourself responsible and accountable.

I offer you a gift; an awareness that many people come to too late in life-if at all. You have a chance to start afresh today and change your future, your epitaph and your legacy. So what are you waiting for? Go ahead! Decide what
you want it to be, take responsibility for it, get support and create it one act and one day at a time starting with today and remember you are worth it!

“If somebody puts you on a road and you don’t feel comfortable on it and you look ahead and you don’t like the destination and you look behind and you don’t want to return to that place, step off the road.” – Maya Angelou

Is the change of weather making you feel like hibernating?

Take the 100 Day Energy Boost Challenge and Recharge your Batteries

As my alarm went off this morning, I knew there must have been a mistake; it was still dark and, as I quickly noticed, cold. Brrr!

After the balmy 30 degrees C summer average, waking up this morning to a dark, post-storm sky and 10 degrees was too much for my sun-loving soul. I wanted to roll over and sleep all day, but kids to wake and a full day of clients
and commitments forced me out of bed. I was tired and shell-shocked so I put the radio on in an attempt to stay awake. I stopped in my tracks as the presenter cheerily announced that there are just 100 days of this year left.

It hit me like a hammer; slip into hibernation autopilot until spring or make the most of these 100 days that I will never get back?

So, if your vision of the perfect winter is being snuggled up like a bear waiting for next spring, or if you just need to boost your energy reserves, here is my 100 day energy-boosting challenge. Read on for a 10 point plan to make
these 100 days your best ever.

Your Step-by-Step 100 Day Energy-Boost Challenge

Grab something to make notes. You’re going to want to remember your answers.

1. What really gives you energy. What activates/ed your ‘power-on switch’ – as a child, a teenager, an adult, at work, at home, for fun. What is the common theme? What is it that makes your heart sing? What’s
   lacking, forgotten or missing at the moment?
2. Finish this sentence, “If everything were possible, the goal for my 100 Day Energy Boost Challenge would be…”Finish this sentence for some inspiration: “I could spring out of bed on even a cold, winter morning
   if I could just…
   • Review and renew my relationships.
   • Clarify my values and what is most important to me.
   • Bring my future vision or purpose into focus.
   • Live my life-mission more authentically and really ‘walk my talk’.
   • Improve my health and wellbeing.
   • Bring different life elements into balance.
   • Balance give and take to create win/win.
   • Understand myself and gain insight into my responses & actions.
   • Find new solutions rather than feeling resigned to old problems.
3. Take your answer from question 2 and rewrite your goal starting with: “I want (to/a)”. Now condense the rest of your goal into 6 words. Yes, just 6! It’s not easy but it does make you think deeply about what
   it really is that you want and need.
4. Look at the words you’ve chosen. What do you really mean by them? What is the most important element for you? What would success in this area give you?
5. Imagine you have succeeded; close your eyes and really feel what is different now in your: life, day, week, mood, behaviour, actions and interactions at work, at home, and, of course, energy levels.
6. How would you feel going into the New Year having achieved this goal? What 3 new energy boosts would you gain?
7. Imagine staying exactly as you are and changing nothing. How would you feel starting the New Year? What 3 energy zapping dementors will continue to suck your energy? Feel this too although, I warn you, this part can feel pretty
   uncomfortable but, if it does, it means you are on the right path!
8. How satisfied are you currently when you think of your goal on a scale from 1-10? Consider the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
   • What’s missing?
   • What do you need?
   • Who or what could support you?
   • What could stop you and how can you plan for that?
   • How achievable is this goal feeling? How can I make it more manageable?
   • How will you stay motivated and accountable?
9. Set yourself smaller milestones, e.g., 10 x mini goals at 10-day intervals. Give each mini-goal an achievability score from 1-10. If any fall below a 7 rethink it. How can you make it easier to succeed? You can break mini-goals
   into even smaller steps.
10. Get yourself a 100 Day Challenge Buddy; a coach and a cheerleader to keep you motivated and accountable, share in your successes and help you celebrate. If you don’t have a coach, share this challenge with a friend and support
    each other. Keep your goal steps achievable and moving forwards and always remember to celebrate each success, however small.

Congratulations; You are ready to rock your way to the New Year and beyond

I would love to hear your goals! Drop me a line or give me a call and let’s support each other and have some fun while we charge our batteries up!

I had the most bizarre conversation with someone on the telephone this morning. I miss understood one word at the beginning of a call and it threw the conversation into two very different directions. The result? Embarrassment,
apologies and laughter on both sides helped by that fact that we won’t actually meet each other.

It got me thinking about the number of times an underlying coaching issue turns out to be due to miscommunication.

The Oxford Dictionary defines communication as ‘The imparting or exchanging of information’. Simple! So how does exchanging information so often end in complex, emotional and uncomfortable situations?

Communication skills develop from birth in environments constantly affected by the many different and vastly varied elements of our upbringing. Mix these with a lifetime of personal experiences and life lessons and we have created a
very individual, complex ‘reality’ filter of assumptions, expectations and perceptions that filter meaning to the words we use. Try asking someone to define one of your core values. Chances are they have a different take on what the
word means to them. At any point in any communication, words will be misunderstood at some level and that will have an impact on the original message.

Multiply this misunderstanding by the number of people taking part in the communication, the differences in their upbringing and personal experiences and you have some idea what a minefield communication is. Now consider that the
words make up only 7%, the tip of the communication-meaning iceberg, and you have some idea of the complexity of communication. The other 93% hiding below the water-line is made up of assumptions, expectations, intentions, body
language, tone, values, feelings, past experiences, ideas, interpretations, beliefs, culture, gender…the list goes on and on.

So, what can you do?

Simply having an awareness of these difficulties helps you enter into any communication more carefully and with the intention of listening for better understanding. You can develop your communication skills by practising
my LORDS model to deliver your message as clearly as possible, checking in along the way and understanding in a way that others will hear, feel and appreciate more positively.

Listen Actively

We have a tendency to decide what we are going to say next while someone else is talking. We quickly assume their meaning through our filters and wait for a pause to say our part. Listening actively means listening to really
understand what we do not already know while being conscious of our own assumptions trying to fill in the unspoken gaps.

Open Questions

Asking questions to which we don’t know the response to is a great way of supporting active listening. These open questions also make the people we are communicating with feel heard and understood. Ask questions to get as much
previously unknown information as possible. E.g. rather than asking, ‘is that okay with you?’ try ‘how do you feel about that?’ Good open questions often begin with ‘how…’ or ‘what…’ but try and avoid ‘why…’ as this little word can
give a well-intentioned question a personal and accusatory sting.

Reflect & Reframe

When listening, be consciously aware that you seldom get 100% of that person’s ‘truth’ first time. Using open questions and active listening to take the person’s answer, reframe it and reflect it back to them helps to clarify
meaning. For example, say, ‘What I’m understanding is…’ or ‘So, what I’m hearing is…’ to give the other person an opportunity to rephrase or clarify information. Using reframing and reflecting in communication picks up on gaps in
information or different assumption filters. Notice how often you say something to someone, especially when you are in a hurry, assuming they have gone through similar thought processes to you beforehand. This is also very powerful
in making the other parties feel heard and valued.

Define

Consciously define three key areas in conversations, especially in difficult circumstances:

1. What is the intention behind the words?
2. Do we have the same definition of the keywords being used?
3. What is being assumed/expected but not said?

Summarise

Summarise the key points for yourself out loud when someone has finished explaining something. Ask others to summarise their understanding of what you said. Ask, ‘What else? ‘What’s missing?’ ‘What hasn’t been said yet?’

Mis-communication comes from unconsciously filling in gaps in our understanding with assumptions based on our past experiences. This model uses five simple lenses to view communication from different focus points to offer new
perspectives. Use Listening actively and open questions throughout to bring reflection, definition and summary into your communication and notice the difference in how you interact with each other, respect each other and understand
the meaning behind the words.

Feel free to share my LORDS model. Imagine what life would be like if we all got a little better at communicating with each other!