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Leadership Lessons from Sailing

As the sales director for a family owned company in the laboratory equipment industry I am responsible for all the global sales and service activities of the company. There are 15 country organisations with a total of 350 sales,
service and applications support people. Each organisation is led by a country manager who is responsible for sales and profit achievement and long term development of their organisation. They either report directly to me or through
some regional leadership. The company is undergoing a challenging change process driven from a conservative top-down, very detailed management style, towards a people oriented, more democratic leadership culture, better suited for
the dynamic, international customer base we operate in.

In order to support this change, I decided to share with all my general managers some leadership insight gained from this summer’s family holiday, which we spent on a sailing yacht in Croatia together with another family. I acted as
the Skipper since I am a qualified yacht master. The following were my conclusions and observations. Maybe you can benefit from them too?

The whole crew has a role to play in keeping the boat on a successful course. Each member plays a crucial role during sailing, anchoring or mooring or even when food needs to be prepared in the galley. Happy crew members do a better
job, work harder, sustain hardship, anticipate their jobs and help the captain, even if he/she makes a mistake or forgets something now and then. Happiness on a boat is influenced significantly by the relationship amongst crew
members and the relationship with the skipper.

The crew also stays happier if they are involved in decisions, understand the reasons of orders and are given freedom in HOW they do what they have to. Even if – according to the law of the sea – a captain of a ship has almost
unlimited authority, he/she needs to use the authority wisely. When sailing close to the wind and performing a maneuver such as tacking, each crew member plays a crucial role and has to do it quickly and automatically. If they only
do what the skipper tells them to, the boat will not perform or even be unsafe.

Sufficient training in sunny, light wind conditions prepares the crew for hard weather and difficult maneuvers. This is so easy to forget. I did forget as skipper and did not spend enough time explaining the maneuvers, the jobs for
each individual, pay enough attention to everybody learning to throw a line, use a boat hook, tighten a sheet with a winch. This led to the odd crisis moment, we lost momentum during a tack, did not stay on course, even had some
scary moments in harbors. Practice makes perfect.

The skipper is responsible for the safety of the crew. If the conditions get tough, not everybody can perform the same. During a storm, two of my crew members were violently sick, one was really scared and almost lost the plot,
whilst I had to jump into the water to attach a second mooring line as a safety measure and I could rely only on one other person to help me keep the boat safe. Nevertheless, as the skipper I had to ooze confidence and positivity,
gave out numerous hugs and sent people to make tea so they could calm down.

So, why am I sharing all this? Because I think our small (or big) organizations are like boats. You guys are the captains and your team is the crew. We are under a lot of pressure and the economic conditions are unpredictable. We
need to make sure we have happy crews all over the world with crew members that get better and better at what they are doing. At present, we are experiencing too much involuntary staff turnover in many organizations. We have some
people approaching burn-out conditions and sacrificing their personal life (with divorce or separations or similar consequences).

We need to change that and make sure that the people we consider long term assets are happy, well balanced and not overly pressurized. This will require us to become better leaders, better coaches and more compassionate managers.

For our future meetings and interactions, I will make people and team aspects a key aspect of my discussions and challenges to you. Once our teams are right, the rest will follow.

Wishing us all fair winds and following seas!
Christian

The following is a blog piece written by Gillian Water‘s Husband Christan Walter.

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Learning to Surf The Waves of Life

My yoga teacher and good friend, Faye, bought me a great T-shirt and on the front it says,

“You can’t stop the waves but you can learn to surf.”

A very cool T-Shirt motto, but what does it mean and just what do we need to do in order to learn to surf? How can Mark McGregor’s 10 Principles help us to surf the waves that life sends crashing onto our beach?

The first thing that has to happen before we can learn to do anything new is to decide to do it. If this sounds way to simple or obvious, think of the times you’ve said to yourself: “Yes I will. Just as soon as…” But, just as soon
as what? As soon as you’re:

Old enough? Retired? Have more time? Have more money? Not as tired? Fit enough? Have less responsibility? Not as stressed?

These are all valid points for stopping yourself from doing many things. So, the very first thing you have to do before learning to surf is simple:

Principle 1

I am responsible.

Make the decision to learn to surf. No excuses. No ‘Maybe tomorrow’. Just do it.

But how do you know if learning to surf is an important thing for you or simply a waste of time? How can you be sure? By asking yourself if this is something that is important to your inner values. Ask yourself if this is really
something that you can get behind heart, mind, body and soul. To know the answer to these questions, you need to be clear on your own values; what are the most important things for you in life? Health, fitness, being outside in
nature, time with friends, time for myself, testing myself and pushing my limits, getting up every time I fall and patience. If these are core values for me-the things that I need in my life to be happy-then let’s get kitted up and
ready to hit the beach!

Principle 2

I clarify my values.

Know what is important to your life and to your happiness and put these things first.

So, are you ready to surf the Pipeline, the barrels of Kirra or huge Mavericks? Do you even know what any of that means? Perhaps not quite yet. But it is important to set your goal and define what success will look like to you. How
will you know when you’ve reached your goal? How will it feel? What will it look like?

Principle 3

I have a vision.

Know what you want to achieve. See it, smell it, hear it, dream it and most of all believe it.

If you are at the Principle 3 stage then you know what you want and why and you are all fired up and ready for action. Positive energy is flowing and you’re on cloud nine! But, be careful. We all only have so many hours in the day
and so much energy to invest. What we need now is clarity of execution. That means having an action plan with your vision clearly in sight, creating and being willing to evaluate the action steps on the way to your goal and knowing
the best and most pro-active things to do right now. Do your research, find the most appropriate equipment, decide on the best location and find someone to guide and help you with each development step.

The beach you will be spending your training time on consists of rocks, pebbles, gravel, sand and water. I’m sure many of you already know the ‘Big Rocks First’ principle. For anyone that doesn’t, I would highly recommend taking a
second to watch Meir Kay’s YouTube video, “A Valuable Lesson for a Happier life”. Basically, you have to place your ‘big rocks’ into the ‘jar’ of life first in order to fit everything else in. Do not confuse ‘big rocks’ with the
most urgent tasks of the moment. Your big rocks are those things that you need to be happy, focused, balanced and motivated; things that align and compliment your values and take you further to your vision.

A danger of learning to surf is being unprepared and getting caught in a rip tide. A rip tide is strong current of water moving directly away from the shore that can trap unaware surfers. There is no coincidence that it is called an
R.I.P. as it can prove deadly to get caught up in the heavy current. Many suffer from panic and exhaustion attempting to swim against the flow of water with nothing but constantly shifting sand and gravel under their feet. Know your
big rocks and your solid ground. Be prepared!

Principle 4

I am on Mission.

Do your research. Look after the ‘big rocks’ and don’t fall into the rip tide of heavy currents and shifting sand.

Okay, we have done our research, we have our equipment, we know where to begin and, theoretically, how to surf but is that enough? Of course not! We have all had the experience of learning something new and it rarely goes that
smoothly. We have to fail, reflect, analyze our mistakes and learn from them in order to learn. Chances are that we will fail again, but next time we will ‘fail better’ and so the cycle continues until we find the perfect balance.

We have to have balance in all aspects of life before we can stand up on our surfboards. We have to be aware of what balance means; balance between private and professional life, balance between our needs and those of the people in
our lives, balance between what we need now and in the long term. Having a trusted ‘sparing partner’ that you can take constructive feedback from is worth its weight in gold.

Principle 5

I Strive for Life Balance

Keep your focus on your vision but be prepared to try, fail, analyze and learn from one step to the next. Learn the importance of reflection in order to achieve balance.

And you’re up! But, hang on; so are other surfers…

Surfing is like life in as much as we can’t all paddle and splash in the faces of others, steal someone’s wave or cut them off. There is surfing etiquette that stops people getting hurt, upset and makes sure that everyone gets the
best out of their experience:

Observe the right of way and wave priority.

Communication.

Don’t hog the waves.

Know your ability.

Take advice from locals.

Know what upsets others.

Apologize.

Be aware of and respect others.

Help others.

Respect the beach.

Have fun!

Principle 6

I Actively Give & Take

Work with fairness and create win-win scenarios.

After a hard day’s surfing practice, it’s easy to sit back with a beer on the beach and tell big tales of bigger waves but we’re not experts yet. Even if we were, we can still only talk about the things we already know. When we
listen (and I mean really listen, not simply preparing what we are going to say next as soon as the other person leaves a gap), we have the opportunity to learn things that we didn’t know. The speaker will feel
that they are truly being listened to and understood. Real listening leads to real two-way communication, communication leads to understanding, understanding leads to trust and trust leads to success.

Principle 7

I Value Empathy

Listening, understanding, supporting and trusting others supports your own success.

Once there is open communication, trust and understanding between you and the people you are surfing with then you can really improve! You have to be concentrated and focused in order to stay balanced on your board, but it’s also
crucial to be aware of others and remain flexible. You will benefit from exercises that improve your core stability and also your flexibility. Mutual respect and cooperation ties in all the above principles and shares your vision
with others. They will want to see you succeed and, together, this multiplies the power of one- of you alone-into something much more powerful.

Principle 8

I Work with Involvement & Diversity

Learn to trust others. Welcome new ideas and opinions. Prepare to be challenged.

Trusting others, being open to new ideas and being challenged can only work well when we are strong enough in our selves and in our relationships to allow ourselves to become vulnerable and relationships like that do not happen over
night. Strong relationships develop over time. Time used to remember the small things; time invested with focus on principles 6, 7 & 8. Time invested in the small things; being ready with a towel, a helping hand, encouraging
words, compliments, apologies or just a beer. Being aware of the needs of others and showing gratitude when they do the same for us is a wonderfully simple way to develop and maintain all the important relationships in our lives.
One important consideration is to make sure that the relationships we are working to improve are the right kind of relationships and not unhealthy or damaging ones.

Principle 9

I Make Relationship Deposits

Recognize the difference between healthy and damaging relationships. Understand the value of good relationships. Be aware of and do the small things needed to develop and maintain good relationships.

You kept your goal and action plan in sight; you have technique and your support group. Well done-you can surf! But for how long? Sustainability is important if you still want to be catching those barrel waves for years to come. If
you want stay fit enough to surf, you obviously need to proactively work towards optimal physical health. An over-weight surfer is not going to have the strength to paddle any distance or ‘pop-up’ onto their surfboard. Once you are
up on that board, it is important to be able to let everything go and live in the moment; loving what you’re doing. No stress or distractions. Remember to listen to your body; hear when your muscles have had enough and when you need
to take on fluids. Torn muscles and sunstroke will definitely spoil your fun!

Principle 10

I Re-Energize Weekly

Keep your body, mind and soul fit and healthy. Make the choice to take time for yourself and listen to your body, exercise, eat healthily, relax and, above all, learn to love life.

Obviously, these principles are not only relevant for learning to surf! They are guidelines to live by and guidelines for success. Your past does influence who you are to a certain extent but success is not based on your past. Your
success and everything you do is based on the choices you make. You, and only you, are responsible for these choices. When you realize this and take full responsibility, it becomes possible to take a good look at ourselves and ask,
“What is important to me?” “What do I really want?” We need to be vulnerable and honest with ourselves to find these answers but only then can we take the plunge and leave the safety of the beach. It is not an easy task and we will
fall off of our surfboards, learn a lesson, change our behaviour and have to start again many times along the way.

Change of any kind can be scary and daunting even when we are convinced of its importance, but you don’t have to struggle alone.

A coach will guide and support you every step of the way. The coaching process gives you the time, space and support necessary to analyze and clarify your position before deciding on your values, vision and action plan steps. A
coach will inspire and support you but also challenge you and take you out of your comfort zone in order to get away from what your head tells you is ‘OK’ in order to discover what your heart and soul actually want for all round
happiness. A coach will help you to clarify what you need to do to reach your vision, implement strategies and hold you accountable.

Are you ready to learn to surf the waves of your life? Then I’m here to help you meet the challenge of riding the highest waves and to ensure you have fun along the way.

Book your first coaching session now.

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Balance Life’s Seesaw

When most of us think of a seesaw, we think of the long plank with a seat on each end and the feeling of leaving our stomachs up in the air and then plunging down to bounce off the ground while playing as kids. The ups and downs
were great fun and could easily leave you laughing and breathless…only if both of you were a similar size and weight.

Those of us with children will know that it is neither fun nor easy to deal with two children of very different weights or, indeed, a child and an adult trying to work together. The seesaw just stays in one position: Mum on the
ground with tired legs and child up in the air calling for ‘more’.

I’m sure most of us have experimented with moving the bigger kid or ourselves further towards the centre to try and achieve better balance. Now the seesaw works. Our bottoms suffer from not being on the seat at the end, but it works
non-the-less.

Seesaw Physics

The scientific answer to our seesawing fun factor is in the ‘centre of mass.’ This is a point somewhere along
the plank that holds two different weights where their average weight falls. If you can get the centre of mass to lie over the pivot point, the seesaw will be balanced.

The seesaw of life

The physical answer to the seesaw problem also applies in all areas of our lives; if we can find our centre, things will balance out far easier than trying to ride the ups and downs influenced by others or putting ourselves in
uncomfortable positions to try and balance others. We can learn to find that balancing point by concentrating on 3 simple- but grade A steps

Three ‘A’s to finding your centre of balance

1. Awareness

  • Being aware of how we feel and recognise if we are off balance. Sometimes this can simply be a feeling of ‘being out of sorts’, feeling sluggish or just feeling like you can’t be bothered.
  • Being aware of where we are and feel a sense of balance and grounding in ourselves before we can effectively help others without getting emotionally involved.
  • Being aware of our negative habits and behaviours before entering into uncertain or difficult situations.

2. Attention

  • Attention to our breathing. Too often our breathing speeds up or even stops in difficult circumstances. Once we bring our attention to our breathing, we can assess how our body and mind are responding to our situation.
  • Attention to what’s going on with our bodies and minds. Take a moment to check-in with yourself. How is your breathing? What thoughts are filling your mind? Are negative thoughts thinking themselves and whispering in your ear?
    How does your body feel; tense, calm, stiff, relaxed? Don’t judge what you discover, just pay attention for a moment and observe.
  • There are ways to make this attention and observation very powerful indeed by learning breathing and meditation techniques. A personal favourite of mine is Autogenic Training which can take all 3 of these steps and deal with
    them quickly and successfully. A simple way to begin is to imagine breathing in energy and calm and breathing out all that does not serve you (negative: behaviours, habits, attitude and thoughts that creep in to unnecessarily
    scare or worry us).

3. Aim

  • This is our clear and guiding intention. Our guiding intention comes from being certain of our life values.
  • Once our aim is focused on our life values, it becomes our road map to get where we want to go, what we want to be and the positive path we want to follow towards our core goals.
  • This is especially helpful to us in situations where we are aware that our old, negative habits can easily take control from us.

These 3 ‘A’s are easier to put into practice and more powerful if they are clear to you in advance.

One of the first things that you will clarify when working with a coach is ‘What is most important to me & what do I want from my life’. Once you really know and understand the answer to this question it becomes your inner
compass or, in this case, the pivot point for your seesaw. It isn’t only about finding you centre of balance, it’s about being able to shift and adapt without losing it. Deciding on your goals and working on the positive
action-steps towards reaching them then becomes easier.

Working on these value driven steps towards a goal with awareness of the three ‘A’s creates a positive cycle by helping us focus on two things: Subconscious bad habits and behaviours but also our positive way forward. If we can
actually become aware of these two things, pay attention to them and be clear on what we really want from life, then we can get in touch with our anxieties, those feelings that can come from nowhere and hold us back from reaching
our full potential. We can look them in the eye, observe how they make us feel and what they make us do and then just move on with new consciousness and without becoming their victim.

If we can focus on these aspects in this way, rather than running away from them, we can indeed find a balance point where pain can flow through you, just like Tiffany in the quote above. Be the centre of the seesaw and the negative
can flow through you, not into you. It can be hard, but you can do it!

If you are ready to take the first step towards a balanced life, taking a coach along as a companion on this journey is a very sensible choice. A coach will help you to clarify what it is that’s important to you and what you really,
really want from life, ensure that you stay focused on the positive and know how to conquer the negative and stay by your side to support you every action-step of the way to your ultimate goal.

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Puzzle Pieces

I found myself recently sitting in a waiting room. I was nervous and a little upset and I grabbed a puzzle from the ‘kids’ corner’ to distract myself. It was a magnetic 3D puzzle; all the pieces were the same shape and the pattern
was made up of lots of different coloured ladybirds. I flipped through the pieces for a while and put the odd 2 or 3 pieces together. It seemed impossible without a picture to follow but I knew that my mind was a little uptight. I
tried to concentrate harder in order to block out those thoughts that like to think themselves and it started coming together slowly but surely. Or so I thought. I suddenly came up against a real block and couldn’t find any way
forwards. The puzzle looked as if it was all in place but I had a handful of pieces that just wouldn’t fit, no matter what I did. The rest of the puzzle was so obviously right that I didn’t want to break it up. I was stuck.

I had to leave and return later so I went out for a walk, I called my most positive friends, found a quiet spot to practice Autogenic Training and headed back to the waiting room again.

I picked up the same puzzle in the same environment and in the same situation, but this time I brought peace and clarity with me, not fear and uncertainty. At first glance, the answer to the puzzle seemed embarrassingly simple. I’d
started in the wrong place (with the second row first) and, even though things fitted snugly for the first 10 or 12 pieces, I’d soon become confused. Why was it going so well up until now? What was wrong with the pieces? The others
were so clearly fitting neatly together, what was wrong with me?

A little embarrassing perhaps that all that came from a children’s puzzle but a lesson for the bigger picture nevertheless. Looking at any puzzle or problems in life can benefit from a different view point; a paradigm shift. In our
jobs, relationships, friendships and even hobbies, things that have previously been running- and fitting together so smoothly can hit seemingly illogical or unexpected problems. Generally, it isn’t the thing or event that stumps us,
but rather the place we find ourselves in that changes the lens on our reality perception.

Seeing something from another perspective sounds much easier than the reality, but if we are actively aware of both the logical and emotional sides to our minds and really understand what our life values are then this can help us to
realign ourselves and gain the confidence to try things from a different direction.

Sometimes we get so busy joining the dots and connecting individual pieces that we forget to step back and look at the picture on the box. My puzzle was the even trickier variety that had nothing to refer to and it was only a
puzzle, but I became protective of those parts that seemed to work even at the expense of the others that obviously did not. Imagine this metaphor on a grander, life scale. Are all your pieces working well together? Are you clinging
to the parts that do work at the expense of others? Do you have a clear vision of the bigger picture?

Joining the dots or connecting the pieces can sometimes be enough to keep us in our comfort zone. We go to work, we look after our families, we pay the bills, we do the tasks we have to do and then we go home, content in a job well
done, two dots connected and another day over and closer to retirement. The question is;

Is this enough for you?

Would you like to make a difference?

Do you have a life goal?

Do you get up excited in the morning?

Do you feel fully motivated and dedicated to your goal?

Are you squeezing all the living out of your life?

Sometimes, we only have to view a puzzle from the other side of the table. Sometimes, we have to find that one false piece but sometimes we just have to accept that we have to break up the pieces, zoom out on our own realities and
core belief systems, focus on the right picture for us, choose only the pieces that fit with that image and start again. We all have our puzzles broken now and then, but the difference lies in how you pick up the pieces and start
afresh. Do you learn from past mistakes, cling to small areas that don’t work for us anymore or try to hide the pieces that don’t fit?

Are you wasting time trying to fit people, things or beliefs into your puzzle where they don’t fit?

Having a clear vision in mind, based on personal values, and setting clear goals to complete the puzzle is a positive start. Creating action steps to break these goals into manageable chunks makes the task even easier. So, just as
you would prepare for a jigsaw puzzle by having the picture lid visible, separating the pieces into edges, corners and colours, the answer to our own life puzzles can be found; Step by step.

A coach can help with every step until your puzzle fits together as the fun and rewarding pass-time that it was designed to be.

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Fear is a Liar


What if I die vs what if I don’t live?


After having a series of hip operations, including two double hip replacements, I found myself once again standing at the bottom of the ski piste waiting for my kids and husband to ski down to me and say hi for a quick second before
rushing off again with pink cheeks and laughter.

Now, I’m not one for giving up or always doing what I’m told, but I knew skiing was out of bounds and I fully understood why. As I stood there alone, cold, bored and frustrated, I watched a young girl having a snowboard lesson and
dreamed of a compromise. I could either accept my limits without a fight or face my fears and try and find another way. I realized that if I didn’t face this fear and try something to get back on those slopes, it would be a limit
for life.

Decide what you really want (or don’t want)

The screaming conflict began straight away; ‘To really enjoying family ski holidays, quality time with my kids and husband and really earning my après ski’ versus, ‘but you’re too old, it’s too dangerous, you’re too broken, too
unfit…’ and the list went on. But I’m stubborn; there’s always a way and there’s always a choice: to die of boredom or take a risk, so off I went to the rental shop.

Learn from your mistakes, remind yourself why you began and never give up


My first lesson hurt so much! I was black and blue afterwards, but at least I could get down a blue slope, not elegantly, but I was up there with my family again and, boy, that felt good. My children treated me to the ‘L’ sign on
their foreheads for ‘loser’ if I fell or didn’t dare to turn and that was a pretty good motivator too!

I bought protective gear and practiced, fell, practiced, fell less, improved, fell harder, practiced harder and took more risks. Yes, I still came home sore, but happy. I focused on my improvements every day and was determined to
give more energy to succeeding than listening to my ever present fears. Each evening I asked myself, ‘What isn’t working?’ ‘What do I have to practice?’ ‘What do I have to improve?’ But the question that kept me pushing forwards
was, ‘Why am I doing this?’

Break out of your comfort zone

I ride ‘Goofy’, yes, that really is a thing, although I had no idea what it meant when my rental board was set up with my right leg binding at the front of the board and my left foot at the tail. As I scoured YouTube for boarding
tips, I discovered that goofy means your strongest leg is at the back of the board to help you turn and break. Unfortunately for me, my natural ‘strong’ leg was the one that had been left particularly weak from the operations. I
needed to change to my naturally weaker side and, if that wasn’t scary enough, I made this discovery just before going to a big ski resort for the first time with a group of 7 excellent skiers. So, I found myself at the top of a
very steep red run with my board on back to front and a group of expectant faces looking up and waiting for me to join them on the slope. I was comfortable enough on the practice slopes but now, up there looking down, it was time to
take a leap of faith. I sat there doing up my bindings and asked myself a really stupid question, ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ ‘DIE!’ came the answer, ‘Break something, dislocate something, end up in a wheel chair. Just go
back to the practice slopes, meet up with them later, don’t be so stupid…’ I fed myself this poison until I almost couldn’t breathe. I really felt as if someone else was giving me a really good telling off and the humiliation I felt
with my friends waiting for me was huge. I set off out of sheer embarrassment and anger. And fell. Hard. Full of ‘you’ll never get down alive’ negativity, I stumbled and limped my way down the mountain berating myself the entire
way. But, I DID get down. I had jumped out of my comfort zone and lived-despite my fear trying to convince myself otherwise.

Don’t allow your fears to become your limits

I had needed the others to force me out of my comfort zone and I was grateful for that, but I headed back up alone. This was a battle I had to fight myself. Me against my fear. I knew I could do it-I had proof, but my thoughts were
still drip-feeding me poison. I tried meditating on the ski lift; with every in breath, I breathed in energy and calm and with every out breath, I breathed out negative thoughts that couldn’t serve me. This worked surprisingly well
(it’s a very long lift) until it was time to ride. My mind really overtook ‘feeling’ as I had to concentrate on riding ‘regular’ or backwards for me. As soon as my head took over so did the negativity. There were two of us up there;
one that said, ‘Okay, you know what to do-now just do it’, and the other that whispered, ‘But what if you can’t’, each time I began to go for it.

Accept your fear-and say ‘yes’ to its face

I tried counting in my head to block out the ‘What-ifs’ and tried counting out loud too. I knew which voice I wanted to listen to, but thoughts have an unfortunate habit of thinking themselves anyway. But oh, those steeps! I learned
how to conquer them in theory, but fear held me back from giving 100% commitment to the crucial turns. If I made it, my heart was left pounding with adrenaline and then I immediately wondered if it was just a fluke or luck this
time. If I fell, I got so angry because 9 times out of 10 I knew where I’d gone wrong-I hadn’t fully committed-or not quickly enough. I was really determined to get out of my comfort zone, I was determined to keep getting up each
time I fell, I was determined to overcome the voice of my fear and I was improving every time, but even my determination to silence that drip feed of fearful thoughts and stay positive actually created another problem entirely:

Fear + Anger at the fear = Negative Mind-set

I realised that, while I was never going to let my fear stop me, I had to accept it and see it for what it was, not fight against it (and therefore myself) each time I strapped my board on.

Leave your fear in the valley

Fear is only an emotion like any other but it really blinded me. Fear made me panic and make bad choices and bad choices on steep, icy slopes hurt. When I chose to look my fear in the eye, I saw a typical primary school bully. A
bully who does what he does because of his own insecurities and fears. I chose to accept it, ‘I see you for what you are and I’m glad you’re looking out for me, but I’m doing this anyway so stay in the valley and be good until I get
back.’ My huge, debilitating fear became a small, uncertain child and I had an excellent afternoon of fun. It made a massive difference. My fear still came back to sit on my shoulder at the top of those steeps and before I tried
something new, but I took the time to breath, look it in the eye and say, ‘Okay I see you, but I’m doing this anyway’.

Fear is a liar

I had seen so many boarders riding ‘dynamically’ and had managed a few copy-cat moves. Back home, YouTube gave me the solution once again; music-loud and rhythmic music. I found a Spotify snowboarding playlist. It definitely has a
powerful beat with lots of rap and seriously not my thing but I turned it up LOUD and concentrated on the beat and trying to understand what the musicians were rapping about. Before I knew it, I was surprised to find myself back at
the ski lift. I’d had the most awesome ride; I’d conquered the steeps without even realizing it. I hadn’t stopped at the top of each one and looked down, I’d just gone with my instincts and the rhythm of the music. There had been no
fear. I hadn’t just not fallen-I’d totally loved every second!

And then I knew the final truth:

Yes, danger is real. Yes, I have to be careful of my body. I’d tried to battle fear and failed. Then I’d accepted fear as something looking out for me, but fear made me fall, fear made me fail and fear was responsible for my bruises
and frustration. The truth is; fear does not exist in its own right; it is created by our own thoughts. This means that fear really is our choice.

Trust your instincts over your mind

With that music pumping and my mind fixed on the beat, my body was finally allowed to follow its instincts, finally allowed to ‘just do it’, finally allowed to succeed. And, do you know what? It felt SO awesome to know the truth, to
feel the power over that uninvited negativity, to know that I really could do whatever I set my mind to as long as fear was not part of the equation. I was on the lift again without waiting for anyone else to join me. I had to get
back up there and do it again-leave what little was left of my fear in the valley and really feeling my instincts have a ball.

You don’t have to fight fear alone

It was a lonely, painful and frustrating journey, but I’ve never looked back! Once I found a way to ditch the fear once, that was enough to silence my own critics and leave it behind for good. Now, I choose to push my limits, choose
to challenge my comfort zone and choose to squeeze every last bit of living out of the mountain of life-especially the steeps!

The only thing I would change with hindsight is going through this alone. Yes, others unwittingly pushed me from my comfort zone, but there was no one to catch me or guide me through the challenges that led on from that. My advice
would be to put your trust in a good friend or coach to not only push you out of your comfort zone but to stay to guide and support you through the challenges that lead into your wow zone.

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How to Use the Wheel of Life Coaching Tool to Create a Balanced Life


Feeling out of balance?

What does it mean to feel out of balance? I wonder if I even have to describe this feeling? We all know it. I’m feeling it myself as we come to the end of term; routine has jumped out of the window and fled in a panic, change is imminent and uncertain with new schools and new classes. Our family has new work projects, unknown bosses and team changes and big renovations looming on the horizon and our dreams are filled with ‘what-ifs’ and ‘if-that, then-whats’.

You don’t have to have kids or be waiting to see how new bosses will influence your life to feel out of balance. Sometimes we simply feel out of sorts, a bit grumpy, over-tired even after enough sleep, unproductive or unmotivated. Sometimes we feel out of place in a familiar setting, uncomfortable or wary with people and situations we know well. There are times when we know why; and then there are times we have no idea what’s out of balance or why. We just know something isn’t right.

What Can You Do About It?

This seems a tricky question, especially when we can’t put our finger on what’s out of balance. There is, unfortunately, no single answer when it comes to inner-balance and no one situation that throws us all off, but we can all begin in the same way; to shine a spot-light onto what is causing you the current bumpy ride. Awareness, as always, is the first and most important step towards taking back control and setting your inner balance straight.

How to Use the Wheel of Life

The Wheel of Life is a flexible coaching tool that offers a 360-degree view of your current life situation. It quickly identifies areas of imbalance and helps you to create goals and set priorities based on your life vision. This means to know what you want in life, and I mean really know. What makes your heart sing? What gets you bouncing out of bed in the morning? What gives you energy? What are you working towards? Dr. Stephen Covey told us to work, “With the end in mind” 25 years ago in his book ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ and his message to begin each day, task, or project with a clear vision of your desired destination is as powerful today as it was then.

Below is a basic Wheel of Life. You can alter segment titles or split segments to better suit your personal life situation, but the basic working principle remains:

Wheel of Life coaching tool

  1. For each segment ask yourself, “On a scale from 1-10 (with 10 being the ideal), how satisfied am I with this area of my life?” Don’t over-think it, just ‘go with your gut’.
  2. Rate each segment until you have a second ‘inner’ wheel. Ask, “If I had to travel far with these wheels, how would the ride be?”
  3. Choose the segment you feel to be most out of balance.
  4. Consider all the small successes that make up this score i.e., “What is working well?”
  5. If anything were possible, what would your ideal satisfaction score be? This is your life vision for one area of your life.
  6. Compare your 2 lists: ‘What I have’ & ‘What I Want’. What do you notice?
  7. Take a moment to ‘live’ your ideal score for this segment; Feel what it is like, visualize your ideal day, week, month, year. The more detail, the better!
  8. What could you do to move up one point between your score today and your ideal?
  9. Decide on an achievable action step to bring you one step closer to your target.

A Blueprint for Your Ideal Future

You now know what is important for you in this area of your life, you know what is working well and what resources you already have in your toolbox. You have a clear future vision for this area and can feel what it will be like to be fulfilled and in balance. You know what you want and you have the first positive steps for change towards your vision.

Congratulations, you now have a blueprint for your perfect future.

Keep daydreaming about this vision! This is a tried, tested, and much-reported method for success. Top athletes report on competitions won through the power of visualisation and pushing themselves through the hardest times by visualising crossing the finishing line first, feeling the elation of winning, hearing the cheers, seeing the crowds, holding the trophy or medal. If you Google ‘Visualising Success’, prepare to be overwhelmed by articles and studies supporting this idea.

Allowing yourself to be guided by your desired future is a powerful first step to getting exactly what you want. Take the Wheel of Life challenge with this in mind. Use it to shine a light on what is actually going on in all areas of your life and compare this to what you really want to be happening. Notice where the imbalance lies, visualise your ideal future, recognise areas for development and do what you need to do to bring yourself closer to your goal.

What next?

Taking Responsibility

This is Principle One in Mark McGregor’s 10 Principles of Leadership and Life and for good reason. ‘If it’s going to be, it’s up to me’. This means taking the initiative and feeling like the driver in your life (with well-balanced wheels). This ultimately means taking responsibility for your future and driving it in the direction of your vision. Responsibility is your ability to respond to your Wheel of Life insights so, while the exercise is still fresh in your mind, ask yourself the following set of questions:

  • What do I already have in my life?
  • What do I need more of in my life?
  • What do I need less of in my life?
  • Why do I want this?
  • Who else will this affect? How?
  • What will I do about it?
  • What resources do I need?
  • Who can help me?
  • When will I do it?
  • When will I know I’m there? What concrete evidence will I experience?
  • How will I keep myself accountable & motivated?

Voila, you now have a clearer life vision!

So why would I still need a coach?

You can certainly work through this exercise alone, but if you really want to see awesome results a good coach will:

  • Take you to another level of understanding.
  • Help you to recognise and deal with old, self-sabotaging habits.
  • Help you to gain greater clarity.
  • Break down daunting goals into manageable steps.
  • Ensure long-term goals remain in sight when your focus expands.
  • Help you become better prepared.
  • Support and motivate you.
  • Help you to develop positive habits.
  • Ask you the questions that you don’t (or avoid) asking yourself.
  • Challenge you to new ways of thinking.
  • Support your ongoing processes.
  • Be a sounding board for new ideas.
  • Support you past obstacles.
  • Keep you accountable and committed to your goals.
  • Celebrate your successes!

As we greet the summer holidays practice the positive habit of looking towards the sunshine of your life’s vision and let life’s shadows fall behind you.

Wishing you all a wonderful summer!

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Second Thoughts

I recently watched a film recommended to me by a friend. ‘About Time’ is a 2013 RomCom about a young man who discovers that the male members of his family can travel back in time. His father shares this family secret with him on his 21st birthday and the film’s story line revolves around the humour, chaos and tragedy of someone living a ‘normal’ life while keeping a time travelling secret.

It’s just what you would expect from a British RomCom and it delivered exactly what it said on the tin. But then, towards the end, just when I was feeling all RomCom-warm-and-fluffy, I was struck by a scene that genuinely intrigued me.

The main character, Tim, was given the formula for a happy life by his father, “And he told me his secret formula for happiness. Part one of the two part plan was that I should just get on with ordinary life, living it day by day, like anyone else. But then came part two of Dad’s plan. He told me to live every day again almost exactly the same. The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time noticing.”

Tim’s father didn’t tell him to ‘live every day as it’s your last’. This is a phrase I’ve heard a lot lately and, quite frankly, it has the same effect on me as a rabbit caught in headlights. Apart from the fact that the decision making for a ‘last day’ would stress me out, I’ve seen some actual last days, especially those lived by my mum, and I would not wish them on anyone.

No, what I would rather concentrate on is spending more of my time really seeing, feeling and appreciating what is around me right now. Accepting the joy in those moments that are all too soon gone and also realizing the influence and impact that our decisions and actions have on those around us. Wouldn’t it be amazing to be able to live each day twice and have a second chance at getting it right?

But, and it’s a big BUT, it is far easier said than done. It sounds like a great idea and I’ve tried before, I really have. I’ve read all sorts of Zen style books and articles explaining just how to reach this state of mind…and then, promptly felt like a failure that I can’t. The thing with thoughts, at least mine, is that they have rather a habit of just thinking for themselves. They often arrive out of nowhere, seemingly regardless of what I would like to be thinking of and usually at inconsiderate moments. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they drop into my subconscious and then work hard to make my consciousness listen. I call these pre-thought thoughts; in other words, they arrive before you’re even aware that you are thinking anything.

Don’t get me wrong, there are moments where I do honestly feel in the moment; when I practice autogenic training, go to guided meditations or practice yoga, but, while these times are very precious, they are also fleeting.

I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I would actually love to hear from anyone who has really, fully achieved this state of being in a real world with deadlines, bills, kids, a challenging boss and a heap of laundry just through ‘living in the moment’. I will challenge anyone that tells me they are living and loving life in the moment…the moment they stand barefoot on a piece of Lego.

I pre-empted the film’s ending and thought that was that, another lovely ‘live for the moment’ message. This was why I was so bowled over when Tim said, “And in the end I think I’ve learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I’ve even gone one step further than my father did: The truth Is, I now don’t travel back at all, not even for the day, I just try to live every day as if I’ve deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life.” And that was the answer for me, ‘the mothership’ of realisation that we actually can live with second thoughts. We can create our own sense of deja vu.

Have you ever been getting on with your task, your to-do list, your day, and then, out of nowhere, stopped and had second thoughts? Almost like waking up from a trance. We use the term ‘having second thoughts’, to mean having doubts or being uncertain. But, when we have these second thoughts, what we are actually doing is stopping and re-thinking just for a moment. What it actually implies here for me is waking myself up from the ‘getting on with it’ trance I’m in and kicking those pre-thought thoughts into touch long enough to enjoy the luxury of second thoughts-second chances taken now.

…”He told me to live every day again almost exactly the same. The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time noticing.”

You can take this as far as you like. You might have guessed that I love hearing and telling stories, so that’s what worked for me. I’ve started telling myself time travel stories:

When I had to wake my son (not an easy task), I pretended that my time-travelling-self had discovered that today was the last day he would want me to wake him. Tomorrow he would decide he was too grown up for a Mummy snuggle, his bedroom door would stay solidly closed to me and I would be replaced by an alarm clock. With my ‘second chance’ I really enjoyed waking him up, made it as fun as I could and really appreciated an extra-long hug.

When I was in a rush and didn’t really have time to do the hair-do my daughter was asking for, I pretended that I knew she would have all her long hair cut short tomorrow and wouldn’t want or need me to brush it for her any more. With a second chance, I enjoyed every brush stroke, took time to really notice the colour and feel of her hair and created something ‘new’ that she was thrilled with-and I surprised myself with!

When a friend called and wanted to talk when I didn’t really have the time, I imagined that I already knew that this phone call would change that friend’s life tomorrow either for good or bad depending on how attentive I was. With a second chance, I actively listened and actually learned something myself.

Do you get the idea? It may be that tomorrow you discovered:

  • That today was the most important day to be kind to someone in the office that you usually avoid.
  • That your partner is going to have an accident so you have to make the most of your evening together tonight.
  • That the time to say ‘I love you’ (and truly mean it) will be too late tomorrow.
  • That a good deed today has a huge impact on what happens in your life tomorrow
  • That telling your boss about the great idea you’ve been too nervous to share changes your life, but only if you say it out loud today.
  • That your team achieves something amazing next week, but only if you can give them your attention, listen to their needs, hopes and dreams and get them all on board this week.

…and you’ve been given a second chance to change history.

Can you imagine the power of coaching and being coached utilizing ‘second thoughts’ in this way? It means having your positive vision for the future as clear as if you already saw it on your time travels and the knowledge that (re)doing the right things in the right way today, in this moment, is the only way to achieve your goals. Think, “How would I have done this ‘yesterday’ and how can I do it better ‘today’.” Give it a try and don’t put those things off any longer: Take the chance, speak up for yourself, tell that person how you feel, listen attentively, ask the thing that you’ve been too scared to ask, say ‘I love you’ and really mean it and really appreciate the people around you because, even without playing with second thought time travelling, life is so very short and you just never know…

The only thing holding you back is your imagination! Tell yourself stories about what you found out in your future. Make them as crazy, funny, dramatic or exciting as you like and wake your second thoughts up from their trance. Already knowing how amazing tomorrow will be will give you the hope, trust and strength to do things better today.

Make an appointment for a vision setting coaching session today and you’ll be time travelling in no time!

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The Power of 3

I have been asked why I always give coaching session feedback and follow-up based on ‘threes’:

Decide upon 3 action steps.
Choose 3 guiding sentences.
Practice these 3 steps & 3 sentences 3 x every day.
Practice them daily in 3 different areas of your life (physical, emotional/spiritual, mental).
Practice the 3 things for 3 x per day in 3 different life areas for at least 3 weeks.

Why are threes so important?

Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Three Musketeers, Three Little Pigs, Three Blind Mice, Three Wise Men; many good things come in threes and have done for a long time. The Latin phrase ‘omne trium perfectum’ (everything that comes in
threes is perfect) proves that this is not a new concept. The rule of threes is used as a guideline in storytelling, communication, advertising, joke telling and in art and design. It is the proven principle that any message is
stronger, more effective and more memorable when it comes in three parts. In terms of coaching, three is a good number to help us break old- or develop new habits.

Why should I explore my habits?


It is true that coaching sessions always keep the client’s value-based end goal in sight, but our session-by-session work is also aimed at the daily processes and habits each client subconsciously follows. But why do we need to
focus on habits that we barely notice? If my goal is to make it to CEO, why would I want to waste my time recognising old habits when I could be learning the business tools and people management tips I need in order to plough
forward towards my goal?

Every element of our life, mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally, is essentially the sum of our habits and our habits have been influenced and developed since the moment we were born. What you repeatedly spend time
thinking about, saying and doing each day is mostly unconscious. It comes from deeply ingrained habits and values that form the person you are, the things you believe and your personality. These thoughts and behaviours are then the
instructions that your subconscious uses to deal predictably with everything that you face. Yes, even how you use the business tools and people management tips you may be given and how effective they prove to be will be determined
by your current habits and belief systems.

Limiting beliefs cause fear-based emotions and unconscious reactions that can hold you back, cause you to make rash judgements, bad decisions and simply make you feel sad, angry or defensive often without knowing why. Without
exploring, defining and working on breaking old, negative habits and beliefs that no longer serve us and developing new, positive habits and beliefs that bring happiness and success we cannot begin to change what is inside us. When
we are positive, balanced, secure and conscious with what is on the inside, this will continue to radiate happiness and success out on the outside; including how well we understand and use those business tools or how well others
react to any new management or leadership style.

What can I do to change unconscious behaviour if it’s unconscious?

Consider and answer these three statements for a moment:

I am: 3 things

I want: 3 things

I will: 3 things

Now take your answers from ‘I will’. What three things have you decided to do in order to break a bad habit or build a new, positive one? Are they small enough to be achievable and big enough to make a difference? Once you have
clarity on what ‘I will’, consider the 3Rs set out in Charles Duhigg’s book, The Power of Habit:

  1. Reminder (the trigger that initiates behaviour)
  2. Routine (the behaviour itself; the action you take)
  3. Reward (the benefit you gain from performing the behaviour)

Thich Nhat Hanh suggests many convenient and powerful ‘reminders’ using the things already around us in his book ‘Peace is Every Step.’

… 

“The telephone is very convenient, but we can be tyrannised by it. When we hear the phone ring it often causes some anxiety, and when we talk we often talk of trivial things and forget ourselves. We are victims of our telephone.
(Try replacing the word telephone with Smartphone and this is even more true.) Next time you hear the phone ring say ‘listen, listen, this wonderful sound brings me back to my true self. Breathe and smile and be in control
of yourself, for two rings, and then pick up the phone, in consciousness – then how fortunate for the other person. If you are both doing this, it transforms the whole experience.”

“When driving – if stuck in traffic, do not fight this, this is useless. When you see a red light, breathe and smile instead, use it as a chance to practice.”

You really can use anything to remind you to do whatever it is you decided ‘I will’. When I was learning Autogenic Training, I set an alarm on my mobile phone as a reminder to practice for 3 times in the day when I knew I would have
the least distractions. Now I do it without thinking.

The reward you grant yourself for each remembered ‘I will’ can be anything you like-be inventive! Chances are that you will soon get a more direct reward simply from the effects of the behaviour change on your immediate environment.

Now go back to the top of this article and re-read my coaching session feedback and follow-up ‘threes’. Keep with it. Habits can be changed, especially if you can bring your time travelling second thoughts into
play too!* Change today what you would have done differently yesterday.

Finally, consider the ‘power of three’ words of that great communicator, Winston Churchill, “This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”  Start
today and the next time you face a new challenge or uncomfortable feeling just stop and count to three.